During the summer I happened to watch a tv show called Married At First Sight, a reality show in which men and women apply to be matched up with another person, supposedly someone they are compatible with, by a team of marriage counselors and psychologists. The three couples chosen met each other for the first time at the altar on their wedding day where they were legally married. For the next eight weeks they get to know each other, and at the end of the eight weeks they have to make a decision; do they stay together, or do they get a divorce. Because it is was such a preposterous idea for a show I continued to watch it occasionally to see what was happening with the couples, and as next week is when they have to decide whether to stay or go, this week was full of contemplation, reflection, and bitter arguments.
After watching the show I thought of Elder Bruce Hafen’s words: Is a marriage “based on a contract or a covenant” (“Covenant Marriage,” Ensign, 1996). He continues, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away.” Many times a marriage breaks up because one is not committed to the other but only to their own interests. In my Marriage and Family Studies classes I have learned that individualism is the cause of many marital issues; that is, thinking about “me” rather than “we.” On the other hand, Hafen said that in a covenant marriage the husband and wife work through troubles and “marry to give and to grow.” There would be no walking away when times get tough.
How do we teach young people to prepare for a covenant marriage? Can they see through the shallowness of the reality show mentioned earlier and others like it that make commitment look less than desirable? One of the ways to help those who will soon be looking for a mate is to be an example. Elder David A. Bednar said, “As men and women, as husbands and wives, and as Church leaders, one of our paramount responsibilities is to help young men and women learn about and prepare for righteous marriage through our personal example. As young people notice that we have made the comfort and convenience of our eternal companion our highest priority, then they will become less self-centered and more able to give, to serve, and to create an equal and enduring companionship (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,”Ensign, 2006).
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