Mind The Gap!

If you have taken the subway, or underground, in London you are familiar with a voice telling you to “mind the gap,” which is a warning to be aware of the space between the train and the platform. If you are not careful you can lose your footing as you step on or off the train.

In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John M. Gottman tells of ways a couple can lose their footing in their marriage. He calls them “The Four Horsemen.” He said, “Certain kinds of negativity, if allowed to run rampant, are so lethal to a relationship that I call them The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” At first glance this seems pretty bleak and discouraging, but after studying the first chapters of his book, I realize that by recognizing ways that we might respond negatively to someone, we can correct ourselves and strengthen that relationship.

Last night one of the Horsemen came galloping into my relationship with my husband. I enjoy decorating my house for fall and have little lights wrapped around some of the decorations.  As we were going to bed I told my husband that the lights were on timers so they would go off on their own. He said, “well, I guess they aren’t using too much electricity.”  I immediately became defensive and stomped around the house turning the lights off—until I remembered they were battery operated and were not using any electricity at all!

From this silly incident I was reminded how easy it is to respond negatively and how important it is to respond with love. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said in the 2007 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “The most cherished and sacred moments of our lives are those filled with the spirit of love. The greater the measure of our love, the greater is our joy. In the end, the development of such love is the true measure of success in life” (The Great Commandment).

What can you do to “mind the gap” in your relationships so you don’t lose your footing? What can you do to have the kind of successful life that Elder Wirthlin speaks of?