Marriages Are Meant To Last Forever

Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime.

And that is good news.

Because no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.

If it appears to take forever, remember: happy marriages are meant to last forever.” – President Dieter F. Uchtdorf | In Praise of Those Who Save

President Uchtdorf’s words echo those of John Gottman in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. He said “Getting to know your spouse better and sharing your inner self with your partner is an ongoing process. In fact, it’s a lifelong process” (p.66). President Uchtdorf mentions several ways that we can build a good marriage, but Gottman suggests two things that are crucial in a marriage: fondness and admiration. What does that mean and how do we cultivate those elements? According to Gottman. “the key to reinvigorating fondness and admiration is to get in the habit of scanning for qualities and actions that you can appreciate” (p. 71).

 When I read Gottman’s words I thought of an old song called “Accentuate the Positive.” The first verse says:

                        You’ve got to accentuate the positive

                        Eliminate the negative

                        Latch on to the affirmative

                        Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

There may be days that we can only find small things that are positive about our spouse and there may be days that we have to think hard to find anything positive about our spouse, but by thinking about them we aren’t thinking about ourselves and the needs we think they are not meeting.  And by thinking about them, the good things they do and the good people they are will come readily to our mind. Since I have been thinking about this concept I have been more aware of how I speak and what I say to my husband. He has some habits that really drive me crazy (and I know I have some that he doesn’t care for either!), one being his driving. But over the week when we have been in the car together, I have tried very hard not to “pinprick” as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, and instead tried to focus on something positive. It makes for a more pleasant drive, even though we have missed a couple of exits because I wasn’t “front seat driving” for him. Criticism is a habit that takes a lot of awareness to break. Finding positive things about my husband can form a new habit and help to ensure that our marriage can last forever.